Drowning in Choice
The Blessing and Struggle of Autonomy in Modern America
A few years ago, a drunk driver slammed into my car overnight while it was parked on the street. It was a total loss, and I was launched into shopping for a new car.
Buying a car is usually overwhelming — there are approximately 250 different models on the market. I became flustered while comparing features, engine sizes, trim levels, pricing, and financing options.
Fortunately, car models across manufacturers are more similar than they are different. They all have engines, wheels, transmissions, doors, windows, and the like. Despite the vastness of choice, buying a car is easier than it’s been in the past. The internet has resources that give you an idea of what cars are for sale near you, and what you can expect to pay for them. It only takes a few minutes to get a car loan online.
When you are ready to buy a car, you contact the seller. Most of the time, this is a dealership. Dealerships exist for the purpose of making it easy for you to buy a car. You show up, drive the car, negotiate the price, sign a bunch of paperwork, write a check, and then drive away. There’s a lot to learn and navigate, but the process is straightforward if you possess the means.
Dating is daunting
If you are an attractive woman, you can download a dating app, upload a few cute photos, and return in a few hours to find hundreds of messages from men. You select a few of the hottest men that catch your eye and let them entertain you. You might go on a date with one of them. However, I suspect that most women involved in online dating become overwhelmed by choice and do not end up on many in-person dates.
Women often struggle with finding a real loving relationship when they want one. Having access to too many attractive suitors makes it more difficult for women to find a man who meets their expectations for a long term relationship. I know several women in this situation who have chosen to have a child as a single mother rather than to settle with one of the men who she gets attention from online.
Constraints and Decision Making
Constraints facilitate decision making. If you exclusively date Christian men or only eat at Kosher restaurants, it becomes significantly easier to select dating partners or a place to eat. The problem facing college graduates is not one of fighting for self-liberation, but rather one of trying to pick a dream, vocation, or path that is meaningful. When nearly everything is possible, finding your purpose becomes challenging.
A Look at institutions
Yuval Levin’s book, A Time To Build, is a masterpiece that describes the deterioration of respect for institutions in the United States.
Institutions have given way to the pursuit of personal liberty. The institutions that constrained our decision making process have lost their trust and power. With personal freedom comes more choice.
Institutions include corporations, political parties, universities, and religion. There’s much to be said for those who experience life inside an institution. Institutions force conformity on their members and provide common goals. Corporations exist to make money, and this is a goal shared by most people. Universities exist to educate and advance the opportunities for its members, and religion helps people find meaning and purpose in their lives.
Traditionally, an institution places heavy limitations on the behavior of its constituents to serve the ideals of the organization. Despite the freedoms given up by being part of a larger group, members adopt lofty ideals, opportunities, and communities by belonging to collectives. For individuals who fit in to an institution, life can become much easier. Constraints are placed on individual decisions, greatly simplifying the plethora of choice.
The common thread in all of these choices is selecting one’s lifestyle
A person’s lifestyle typically evolves subconsciously over time. Most people do not sit down and try to design their life from scratch. But, what would happen if we did? We could try to ask ourselves how we want to live the next year or two.
Some questions to ask are:
- Will I be living alone, or with a partner, or with a roommate?
- Do I have a pet? Do I want a pet? Will I have help caring for my furry friend?
- Do I want to own a car? Do I want to live within bicycling or walking distance of local attractions?
- Do I want to buy a house? Do I want to rent a house or an apartment?
Is having a large space important to me? Is it important to live close to places. - Do I want to have children in the near or distant future? Do I want to eventually move into a location that has great schools?
- How far can I live from work? Am I likely to get a new job soon? If so, will it be in the same location?
- Do I want to live close to a church, family member, gym, coffee-shop, or daycare?
Asking these questions allows you to prioritize what is most important to you.
An astute observer will notice that almost all of these questions are entangled. A job, family, or pet will create constraints for other questions. The important thing to do is to actually ask the questions—even if you don’t have an answer.
I know several people who have looked at the home prices for an area and have said “I can afford a house in this area, so I will live here.” This is a pragmatic approach, but what if a better life plan is to rent an apartment in midtown for two years? Or rent a nicer house closer to work? Renting leaves one’s options open. Maybe you need a new job and the condo downtown would be a step in the right direction? It’s easier to move downtown if you don’t have to sell a house first. Even if you do own that house though, you can lease it out, and rent an apartment downtown.
Americans have a fixation with home ownership. It’s understandable. The government subsidizes home purchases in a number of ways—though this is lessened with the SALT caps instituted under the previous president.
No one ever told me “You are in your 20’s. You shouldn’t buy a house to live in. You should rent in a part of town where it’s happening!” Sure, you aren’t saving for the future or investing in a runaway housing market, but you will live in a place where it’s easy to make friends and live a healthy lifestyle.
It’s important to actively choose a lifestyle that fits, but it is another reason why we are drowning in choice. In previous generations, there was often a default path of living in one’s hometown, marrying the butcher’s daughter, and raising a family in the church. Today, we’re faced with many more options for our housing, partners, education, transportation, and jobs. It’s okay to change our minds as we go, but thinking consciously about life will lead to more congruent outcomes.
In the past, there were fewer decisions to make—with fewer options. Traditional life is now less common, and individuals are free to live however they see fit. Being an adult in 21st century ushers a plethora of important decisions to foster a fulfilling life. A huge benefit is that people who would have been misfits in the past are now able to live with more compassion and acceptance. On the other hand, living today requires active effort to find one’s place in the world because religious and cultural norms have been replaced with individual choice.
